You’ve probably noticed that your orgasm and your ability to help your partner have a satisfying orgasm make you feel good about your relationship and your body. But did you know that your relationship with your partner and your attention to your body can have a large effect on your orgasms? Awareness of what your body physically needs and of your communication with your partner affects your ability to climax . This mindfulness leads to a positive intimacy loop. The relationship makes your intimacy stronger and more satisfying. In return, the meaningful intimacy makes you and your partner feel closer and more connected—not just in the “afterglow,” but also in your daily lives.
Early in a relationship, new discoveries in and out of the bedroom make you and your partner feel increasingly connected. Interestingly, by the time you fully know the heart and body of your partner, day-to-day responsibilities and concerns can drain energy away from intimacy. This disconnect makes the relationship feel less passionate and sometimes even more like friends than lovers. With less motivation to make lovemaking special, it becomes routine. This is an alert signal to remember how much you love and respect your partner, and reevaluate what your body needs in your current stage and circumstances, to support your lovemaking experience.
The right nutrition and exercise for your age and life circumstances, and good follow-up around medical issues starts the positive intimacy loop. A workout routine based on your body’s current needs helps to keep you in touch with your body, not just during your workouts, but also during regular life activities and lovemaking. Be sparing with alcohol, and don’t eat a heavy meal prior to lovemaking, to avoid feeling lethargic.
Know how much time you need to reach a climax, and learn to recognize your levels of higher and higher arousal leading to climax. There’s no “right” length of time needed to reach a climax, but one that takes longer to reach is typically more intense. Arousal early in the lovemaking and sustained arousal prior to climax also lead to a more intense climax. Once partners recognize their own stages of arousal leading to climax, they can communicate ways to help each other stay in the arousal phase longer, leading to a more intense climax. It’s okay for partners to need slightly different things in lovemaking. Cooperating to give each other equally deep satisfaction in lovemaking gives new life to the relationship, just as much as the relationship fuels the lovemaking. A few small changes can get this positive intimacy loop started.
- Notice your body. Update your nutrition and workout routine to match your circumstances and your stage of life. Try something new in your nutrition and in your workout routine, and notice what helps your body feel healthy and alive, not tired and deprived.
- Discover your timing. To find out how much time you need to reach high arousal and then to climax, play music during lovemaking. Notice what song is playing when you start lovemaking, when you reach a high level of arousal, and after you climax. For example, if you got aroused at the end of the third song, then it took about ten minutes to become highly aroused.
- Communicate with your partner. Encourage your partner to try something new that helps you to stay aroused longer. Your request may not be obvious to your partner. Once you try the new technique, discuss how great he/she made you feel. Hearing about your more intense and satisfying experience extends the pleasure!