Did you know that intimacy with your partner can release tremendous power and meaning into your life? Many fondly remember the first few months of sex with their partner as effortlessly releasing energy into the rest of their day-to-day life, creating a sense of ever-expanding possibilities and meaning. Hoping that this honeymoon phase lasts, couples commit to a lifetime of loving one another. After a while, perhaps after moving in together, or after the first child is born, the love continues, but the sex doesn’t feel as exciting, and sometimes it even feels like yet another “chore” at the end of a long and busy day. The relationship starts to feel like “hard work.”
There’s no enemy here—today’s over-scheduled lifestyles and ever-intruding technology and social media are easy targets, but most people really do want to embrace full lives, and enjoy connecting with friends and family through the web and social media. The secret to balancing all these opportunities without letting them take the life-giving power out of sex is to place a boundary around your time, space, and energy. A boundary is simply where I end, and others begin. When the boundaries are blurry, your time, space, and energy are spent on activities and people that demand your immediate attention but might not be your top priority. With your focus distracted, there’s not enough time, space, and energy for the activities and people you care about the most, such as intimacy with your partner.
To feel more intimate with your partner, and more fully experience the life-giving power of your intimacy, challenge yourself around the theme of your time, space, and energy.
- Time. How much time do I want to devote to lovemaking, affection, and the relationship in general? Is there another activity where I can spend less time, to carve out a little more time for intimacy? Do we have a separation of “work time,” “my time,” and “our time”?
- Space. Have a conversation with your partner about who you both agree should be allowed in your bedroom and your bed. Couples are not obligated to share their intimate space with kids and pets; you can decide to keep it reserved for just the two of you. What material stuff do you both want in your bedroom? Reducing media and clutter helps your bedroom to be a shelter for your lovemaking. A bedroom without reminders of work can allow you to both truly rest and recharge together.
- Energy. The emotional energy that you reserve for intimacy shows your partner that you still prioritize him and that he matters to you. Sharing a piece of good news, or a difficult dilemma with your partner first, allows your partner to know your heart more intimately. Having the emotional energy reserved to wholly participate in the lovemaking helps you and your partner reach a deep heart-to-heart level of intimacy.